well you can't waste a boner
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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