All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
