Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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