so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize