thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
