My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
