I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize