i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
