A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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