You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
