On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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