No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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