you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
