i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
