that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
