apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
