you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
