Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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