You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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