the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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