9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
