I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
