I'm lost and stupid without you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
