I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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