I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
