best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize