i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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