to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
