Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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