I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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