My balls are so social today.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
