all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
