I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
They have beer where we have blood.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
