my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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