definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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