So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
