If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
