There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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