Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
