we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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