Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
