did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i came on her dog
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
