Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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