worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He has the fingertips of a God
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
