I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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