Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I intend to get homeless drunk
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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