OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Please don't give away my fajitas
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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