he shaved USA in his pubs
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
