So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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