i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
