I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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