Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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