Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
