he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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