Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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