thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
