You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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