My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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