So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
jump out the window naked night went bad
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