He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
