So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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