I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
