Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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