His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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