The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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