He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize