you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
