When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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