You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
