I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
