how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize