So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
