saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
