I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
