Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
