I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
