He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
