im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i believe in u and ur pee
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