I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize