I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
