I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
