so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
