and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
