Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
