some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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