think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
