Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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