So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize