the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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