So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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