So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
